=========================================================================== Episode #416 -- "The Outing" Originally Aired: Thursday, February 11, 1993, 9:30PM ============================================================================ Production Credits: Supervising Producer ................. Larry Charles Supervising Producer ................. Tom Cherones Executive Producer ................... Andrew Sherman Created By ........................... Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld Written By ........................... Larry Charles Directed By .......................... Tom Cherones ============================================================================ Cast: Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh!) George Castanza ...................... Jason Alexander Elaine Benes ......................... Julia Louis-Drefus Kramer ............................... Michael Richards With: Sharon Leonard ....................... Paula Marshall Allison .............................. Kari Coleman Helen Seinfeld ....................... Liz Sheridan Morty Seinfeld ....................... Barney Martin Estelle Castanza ..................... Estelle Harris And: Sailor ............................... Anthony Mangano Male Nurse ........................... Ben Reed Manager .............................. Lawrence A. Mandley Man #1 ............................... Charley Garrett Scott ................................ Deck Mckenzie Man #2 ............................... David Gibbs ============================================================================ Previous episode references: ============================================================================ Episode 411 - "The Contest" o The sponge bath scene Richard L. Trionfo notes: o Didn't two people get Elaine the same gift for her birthday? o The scene with Jerry explaining to the reporter about George's babbling about being gay reminded me of the virgin reacting to the contest between the four. o The obsession to jackets (Kramer) ============================================================================ Net reaction and comments: ============================================================================ o First off, I'll just note that 37 of the posts since last week's show contained the line "Not that there's anything wrong with that". o General net.consensus was that this one of the best episodes ever, certainly the best since "The Contest". Oliver Postlethwaite disagrees somewhat: "Now don't get me wrong, I liked the show, but after all the hype I was expecting more. It nowhere near touches "The Contest". There were some great scenes, like when George challenged the reporter to have sex with him and the reversed reference to the sponge bath. But if I hear "Not that there's anyhting wrong with that" one more time I'll cry. And NO this is not an invitation for someone to follow-up with that remark!" o Many posters wondered about Elaine's refusal to take off her parka. A few theories as to why include: o Elizabeth G. Levy: "NYC apartments are generally heated by a very fickle steam system: either you have virtually no heat, or you feel you're in the tropics. I suppose Elaine might have been cold from some quirk in the heat, but then Jerry had no problems. Interestingly, I'm under the impression that only a tiny minority of New Yorkers actually wear parkas (dark overcoats being de rigueur). I suppose that coat would be about as unique as her shoes." o Robert N. Talbert: "I didn't think it was a strictly New York thing (like a guy who's never been further north than Baltimore would know anything about New York) -- doesn't it bug you when you ask someone to take their coat off, and then they don't? Doesn't it make you feel like they are trying to assert some kind of DOMINANCE OVER YOU??!? REFUSING YOUR POLITE REQUESTS TO THE POINT WHERE YOU MIGHT JUST WANT TO SLAP THEM SILLY WITH A CHAINSAW??!" o Young-Sup Lee: "here's my elaine coat theory: something must have happened to elaine's intended "costume" for that scene, e.g. spilled something on it. the crew was working overtime, so someone suggested she put a coat on over it. then in the middle of the scene, jerry does an ad-lib: "why don't you take off your coat?" it was so funny that they decide to keep it in other scenes... only clue: JLD's subtle smirk and the notion of other apparent ad-libs, e.g. jerry's "what did you say?" when someone mutters under his/her breath." o Mike Contento: "I could be wrong, but I thought it was because she had Jerry's gift hidden under her coat and had to sneak out of the apartment with it when Kramer gave Jerry the same present (the telephone). I'm not sure why she wouldn't take it off in the reporters office..." o Jon Conrad: "My take on this is that Elaine (as has been established) just doesn't like to be bossed around. If she feels (even on a whim of the moment) like somebody is trying to control her, then she gets very stubborn. She started out keeping her parka on "just because" -- maybe because she felt comfortable and she was leaving in a minute anyway. Then when it became an "issue," she was more and more determined to stick to her guns -- nobody is going to tell HER what to wear or not to wear! (Shades of having her shoes talked about.) Then when it came up again in a later scene, she was more determined yet; why should she have to take off her parka if she doesn't want to? Like a lot of incidents in the show, it doesn't have any deep significance except as examples of how ornery we can get sometimes just because we feel like it." o Others thought that JLD was pregnant, but this was refuted by numerous others. o Ben Scott muses: "What's the deal with George's new girlfriend, though? It's like he's got a new girl every week and he's always trying to get rid of them." and: "The show is becoming more and more plot-dependant for its humor lately, I've noticed. I mean, for a show about "nothing", it's sure getting elaborate. Not that there's anyt- (mmph!)" o John Andrea and I seem to share the same thinking: "Seems to me that the "Not anything wrong with that" episode is based on the typical premise of many sit-coms 'backfired joke & a misunderstanding'. Just about every "Three's Company" episode used it. But in Seinfeld it was much more believable, and much better done. And they managed to make it funny too." o For Mike Murphy, "it would have to be Noriega." o A few posters pondered whether or not Jerry is gay in real life, or at least mistakenly been romoured to be. Earl Scott Seifert cites much evidence to support that Jerry is, or at least could be. o Julius Malixi adds credence to the Kramer Fan Club: "I can't believe that someone who doesn't hardly even say a word, can really make me laugh." o Kevin Perry saw the episode as an occasion to call for George's death: "Up until last night's show, I have been ambivalent about the George bashing that's been going on in this newsgroup. But when he walked in on Jerry's date with the reporter and kept trying to use Jerry to convince his girlfriend that he's gay, I had enough. George was funny when he just screwed up his own life, but lately he's been screwing up Jerry's as well. o A mystery user (saxxx001@staff.tc.umn.edu) wonders what I wonder: "When Kramer entered the apartment to give Jerry his gift, it sounded like he said "Faruba!". Does this mean "Happy Birthday" in some other language? I've been exclaiming it all day, and nobody has slapped me yet, so I assume it's harmless." o Rabindra.P notes a possible continuity problem: "How did George and his girl friend get into Jerry's apartment when he was making out with the NYU reporter. I thought that one had to be buzzed in thro' the main door in his apartment complex." o Ross Waring comments: "Well that has to be the best, most intelligently written gay humor I have ever seen on TV. As someone who is single, thin, and neat, I am very impressed with the consistently good writing on this program. I wonder if Jerry was in imminent danger of being outed by a tabloid and so he took the opportunity to defuse the situation with a preemptive program. In any event, I look forward to more classy gay humor (in stark contrast to the crap that "In Living Color" comes out with)." o Much ballyhoo has been put forth as to what George was drinking when Sharon comes into the apartment. Possibilities include Valilla Egg Cream Soda (Howard A. Rumjahn), among others. One thing's for sure: "it sure as hell wasn't a Snapple" (DR JAZZ). o Ted Schuerzinger clears up the culotte query: "I believe it's spelled "culotte" as in the French Revolutionary group the "Sans Culottes" so named because they refused to wear the breeches that were the French fashion of the time. o Dave Vernest asks: "What's the deal with the constant "Not that there's anything wrong with that" that always comes after any reference to homosexuality? Is this merely for laughs, or could it be NBC's way of protecting itself from backlashes by pesky special-interest groups?? Huh?, do we see an ulterior motive here?" o Sean Erwin responds: "To me, this was funny cause of the underlying hypocrisy. Seinfeld or Kramer or someone would say something that would indicate that they are obviously uncomfortable with being labelled as gay, or that one of their friends or relatives might be gay, and then say "not that there's anything wrong with that" in an attempt to reassure themselves and each other that it's not really a big deal, despite all the fuss they are making about it. I think this reflects heterosexual society as a whole in America right now, as heterosexuals realize that feeling threatened by the fact that gay people exist is irrational, and when, after a moments thought, can say "there's nothing wrong with it," but still the initial gut reaction is negative." o Richard Rees adds: "...what was really great about the show, what was the source of the comedy, was the way the show, I think, made fun of homophobia by making fun of the characters' fears of becoming, or being seen as gay--hence when Jerry got a Bette Midler CD and tickets to "a lavish Broadway musical" etc.--it was funny that these things suddenly took on these "scary" implications that Jerry was gay by association. What the show plays on is the suddenly fragile line opened up in those instances between straight and gay sexuality that men, especially, like to think is very solid." ================================================================================ Quotes and Scene summary: ================================================================================ % Opening monologue... Jerry: I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it's somebody's birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over... All you did was not die for twelve months. That's all you've done, as far as I can tell. Now those astrology things where they tell you all the people that have the same birthday as you? It's always an odd group of people too, isn't it? It's like Ed Asner, Elijah Muhammed and Secretariat. [End of opening monologue -- Time 0:26] % The scene opens with George dropping off his date for the night. She % obviously has had a wonderful evening... Allison: I don't want to *live*! I don't want to *live*! George: Because of me? You must be joking! Who wouldn't want to live because of me? I'm nothing! Allison: No... You're *something*. George: You can do better than me. You could throw a dart out the window and hit someone better than me. I'm no good! Allison: You're good. You're *good*! George: I'm bad. I'm *bad*! Allison: You're *killing* me! % We cut to Monk's where G+J+E are dining (it being a diner, and all). Jerry % is over making aphone call while G+E talk at the table. George: So what could I do? I couldn't go through with it. She threatened to kill herself. Elaine: Over you? George: Yes. Why, is that so inconceivable? % Er, George, I don't think that word means what you think it means... % Cut to Jerry who is over at the phone trying to get Sharon Leanord at NYU. % Meanwhile, Elaine and George exchange thoughts on what they got Jerry for % his birthday. George: I got two tickets to see "Guys And Dolls". Elaine: I got him a two-line phone. % Jerry returns to the booth and explains the phone call. Jerry: Unbelievable! She's not there. George: What paper does she write for? Jerry: The works for the NYU school newspaper. She's a grad student in journalism. Never been to a comedy club. Never even seen me, has no idea who I am. Elaine: Never even seen you? Gotta kinda envy that... Jerry: Y'know, you've been developing quite the acid-tongue lately... Elaine: [Proudly] Really? % The camera pans out some so that we can see the three at their table and % a girl sitting with her back to George at the next table. She starts to % become interested in what the people behind her are talking about as Elaine % pops the following philosophical dilemma to her companions: Elaine: Hey, who do you think is the most unattractive world leader? Jerry: Living or all time? Elaine: All time. Jerry: Well, if it's all time, then there's no contest. It begins and ends with Brezhnev. Elaine: I dunno. You ever get a good look at Degaulle? George: Lyndon Johnson was uglier than Degaulle. Elaine: I got news for you. Golda Meir could make 'em all run up a tree. % Elaine notices the woman sitting behind George is eavesdropping on their % conversation and discreetly alerts J+G. She decides to add some spice to % the conversation. The makes sure to say it loud enough so that the spy % at the next table is sure to hear... Elaine: Y'know, just because you two are homosexuals, so what? I mean you should just come out of the closet and be openly gay already. % Jerry rolls his eyes and turns away in disbelief while George on the other % hand addresses Jerry directly: George: So, whaddya say? You know you'll always be the only man I'll ever love. Jerry: [indignantly] What's the matter with you? George: [quietly] C'mon, go along... Jerry: I'm not goin' along. I can just see you in Berlin in 1939 goose- stepping past me: "C'mon Jerry, go along, go along..." % Elaine dismisses Jerry as a big poop for not playing along, and Jerry raises % a topic while the eavesdropper gets up and goes to make a phone call. Jerry: Y'know I hear that all the time. Elaine: Hear what? Jerry: That I'm gay. People think I'm gay. Elaine: Yeah, you know people ask me that about you, too. Jerry: Yeah, 'cuz I'm single, I'm thin and I'm neat. Elaine: And you get along well with women. George: I guess that leaves me in the clear... % Meanwhile over at the phone booth, the eavesdropper reveals that she is one % Sharon Leonard and she's calling the newspaper that she got to the diner % late and missed out on meeting up with Jerry. As she's hanging up, George % and Jerry make a trip to the bathroom (have two guys ever actually gone to % the bathroom together? Hmmmm...) % We switch back to Jerry's apartment. Jerry's unpacking groceries (no cereal % to be seen) and George comes in. George: I just thought of a great name for myself, if I ever become a porno actor. Jerry: Oh yeah, what? "Buck Naked"? George: Yeah, how did you know that? Jerry: You told me that already like two months ago. % George is obviously disappointed that his name didn't go over "bigger" and he % gets Jerry's opinion on a tres-gauche shirt. Jerry is less than impressed. George: Allison bought it for me. Jerry: How you gonna get out of *that* one? George: I dunno. I guess I have to wait for her to die. % Sharon buzzes and comes up to Jerry's apartment. George decides to stay. % There's a knock at the door and when Jerry answers it, the two decide if % they've ever met before. It's pretty obvious Sharon remembers Jerry and % George as that "funny" couple from Monk's. Jerry hasn't placed her face, % however. Sharon is introduced to George and... Jerry: He's gonna hang around if that's alright with you? Sharon: Sure, I'd like to talk to him, too. % Sharon asks Jerry if he does anything besides stand-up and when Jerry replies % that he and George are doing a pilot for NBC, Sharon says "oh, so you also % work together." which seems to puzzle Jerry a bit. Before another question % can be asked, George has helped himself to some fruit... George: Jerry did you wash this pear? Jerry: Yeah, I washed it. George: It looks like it hasn't been washed. Jerry: So *wash* *it*. George: You hear the way he talks to me? Sharon: You should hear how *my* boyfriend talks to me... % Again, Jerry seems confused as to what Sharon is saying. Something's not % quite right... But, before another question can be asked, again George % has a question-- this time for Sharon... Geroge: Let me ask you something. What do you think of this shirt? Sharon: It's nice. George: Jerry said he didn't like it. Jerry: I didn't say I didn't like it. I said it was O.K... George: No, you said you didn't like it... Jerry: Oh, so what if I don't like it. Is that like the end of the world, or something? % Bombardier... Open bomb doors. The big one is about to be dropped... Sharon: So how did you two meet? Jerry: Actually, we met in the gym locker room. George: Yeah. Actually it was in gym class. I was trying to climb the ropes and Jerry was spotting me. I kept slipping and burning my thighs and then finally I slipped and fell on Jerry's head. We've been close ever since. % George takes a hold of Jerry's leg to stress the point and Sharon, who % obviously thinks she has a real story here now, asks another question: Sharon: Do you guys live together? Jerry: [quizzically] Live together? George: No, I got my own place. % Jerry is about *this* close (picture my thumb and forefinger *really* close % together) to figuring out what is going on here, when the "question fatale" % is asked: Sharon: And do your parents know? Jerry: Know *what*? George: My parents? They don't know *what's* goin' on... % It's at this point, I *swear* I heard a big clunk noise in Jerry's head as % his eyes light up like sunbeams. Sherlock Seinfeld has solved the mystery. % (Actually, since he took so long to figure it out he's probably closer to % Encyclopedia Brown than Sherlock Holmes, but I'll give him the benefit of % the doubt. Heck, it usually took the guys on "Three's Company" 25 minutes % to figure out something this complex...) Jerry: Oh God, you're that girl in the coffee shop that was eavesdropping on us. I *knew* you looked familiar! % All three rise from the couch and a rather excited J+G try to explain things % to a very confused reporter. Jerry: There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that... George: No, of course not... Jerry: I mean that's fine if that's who you are... George: Absolutely... Jerry: I mean I have many gay friends... George: My *father* is gay... % But alas, our heroes pleas for help have fallen upon deaf ears... Sharon: Look, I know what I heard. Jerry: It was a *joke*... George: Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now? Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby! C'mon! % Not that that approach was going to work, or anything, but what minute chance % they had of convincing her is blown away as the door bursts open and: Kramer: Hey, C'mon! Let's go! I thought we were going to take a steam! George: No! Jerry: No steam! Kramer: Well I don't want to sit there naked all by myself! % We fast forward a couple of hours and Jerry and Elaine are talking in the % apartment. Elaine offers to talk to her and Jerry reveals that he has % convinced her to "think about it" before she prints anything in the NYU % paper. And, for some unknown reason, Elaine refuses to take her jacket % off. Kramer enters, graceful as always. Kramer: Happy birthday paruba! Jerry: Today's not my birthday. Kramer: Well, I beg to differ... % Kramer convinces Jerry it's his birthday and, after Elaine refuses to take % her jacket off again, Kramer presents the big guy with his present. Jerry: Look at this! A phone! A two-line phone! % Elaine can be seen mouthing the word "sh*t" and is, for some reason, not % impressed with the gift. She picks up her purse to leave (good thing she % didn't take off that jacket...): Jerry: Hey, where you going? Elaine: I gotta go return something... % Kramer goes to his apartment and Jerry calls him to try out the phone. And, % as luck would have it, a call comes in on the other line. Sharon: Jerry, it's Sharon from NYU. I'm just calling to tell you that I'm not going to play up that angle we talked about and I'm sorry. Jerry: Thank you very much, that's great- >click< Oh! Hold on a sec, I got a call on the other line. >click click< Hello? George: Hey. Jerry: Hey, how ya doin'? Y'know I got that reporter from the newspaper on the other line. George: So, what did she say? Jerry: She says she's not going to play up that angle of the story. She thinks we're heterosexual. [sarcastically] I guess we *fooled* her. I'll get rid of her, hold on... >click click< Sharon? Hello? Sharon, are you there? >click click< I'm back... George: Y'know... I could hear you on the other line... Jerry: What are you talkin' about? George: I heard what you said: "Sharon, are you there?". Jerry: You heard me talkin' on the other line, are you sure? George: Yes, I heard you! Jerry: Well, maybe she was disconnected. George: Maybe she wasn't! Maybe she heard the whole conversation! Jerry: Alright, hang on. Let me call Kramer and see if you can hear anything, hold on. >click click click<... % Obviously, it's best to hear this, but through the whole next part G+J get % into excitable, high-pitch, speed talk. Gotta love it... Kramer: Yello? Jerry: Kramer, there may be a problem with the phone, hold on. >click click< George: "There may be a problem with the phone, hold on"! Jerry: Oh no! >click click< Kramer, this phone's a piece of junk, goodbye! George: "The phone's a piece of junk, goodbye"! Jerry: Oh no! Now she's heard everything! What are we gonna do?!? George: Now she thinks we're gay, not that there's anything wrong with it... Jerry: No, no, of course not! People's personal sexual preferences are nobody's business but their own! % We shift to Sharon's apartment where Elaine is paying a visit... Sharon: Why don't you take a seat? Elaine: Thank-you. Sharon: Why don't you take your coat off? % We shift back to Monk's where E+G+J are having a coffee Elaine: So she kept insisting I take off my coat. I refused, and then she forcibly tried to get me to remove it. Jerry: She wouldn't take her coat off at my house, either. George: Y'know there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody's house, the families go to war! % You're not related to the Clavin family, are you George? Jerry: So you don't take your coat off, and now everyone at NYU thinks I'm gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that... George: Not at all. % Jerry tries to "forcibly remove the coat" in pursuit of some satisfaction. % George springs his birthday gift on Jerry. George: Two tickets to "Guys And Dolls"! I'm gonna go with you! Jerry: "Guys And Dolls"? Isn't that a lavish, broadway musical? George: It's "Guys And *Dolls*", not "Guys And *Guys*". % Perhaps Elaine's gift oozes with some testosterone... Jerry: "The Collected Works Of Bette Midler". % Nope. Unfortunately for Jerry, things are about to get worse. Elaine % notices that there are a couple of guys pointing at Jerry from the other % side of the cafe. Jerry goes to investigate. Jerry: What do you got there? Man #1: _The New York Post_, they've got an article about you. Jerry: "Although they maintain seperate residences, the comedian and his long-time *companion* seem to be inseperable..." Oh no! The Associated Press picked up the NYU story. That's going to be in every paper! I've been "outed"! I wasn't even "in"! George: Now everyone's going to think we're gay! Jerry: Not that there's anything wrong with that... George: No, not at all... [End Act I -- Time 13:54] % Back in the apartment, E+G+J read from _The Post_ Jerry: "Within the confines of his fastidious bachelor *pad*, Seinfeld and Costanza bicker over the cleanliness of a piece of *fruit* like an old married couple--" *I told you that pear was washed*! % Entrez-vous, Kramer Kramer: I thought we were friends... Jerry: Here we go... Kramer: I mean, how could you two keep this a secret from me? Jerry: It's not true! Kramer: Aaaah! Enough lying! The lying is through! C'mon, Jerry, the masquerade is over. You're thin, late thirties, single... Jerry: So are you... Kramer: Yeah-- % It's at this point that Kramer, well, "Pulls a Kramer". He does that % mini-epilleptic, losing his balance, "waaaaugh" thing and he retreats to % his apartment, probably to confront his own sexuality. In Jerry's apartment, % the phone rings, George answers. George: Hello? Mrs. S: George? George: Mrs. Seinfeld?!? Mrs. S: Oh, my God... Jerry: Oh, my God! [takes the phone] Ma? Mrs. S: Jerry? Jerry: Ma! % And suddenly, it dawns on Castanza: George: Oh, my God! My *MOTHER*!!! % Back at Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld's place, the conversation continues. Mrs. S: Jerry? Jerry: Ma, it's not true! Mr. S: It's those damn culats you made him wear when he was five! Mrs. S: They weren't culats, they were shorts. Mr. S: They were culats! You bought them in the girl's department. Mrs. S: By mistake! By mistake, Jerry! I'm sorry! Mr. S: It looked like he was wearing a skirt, for crying out loud! Jerry: Ma, it has nothing to do with the culats! Mrs. S: Not that there's anything wrong with that, Jerry. % Back at the Metropolitan Hospital Center, George pays his mother a visit. % She seems to be in the same bed from episode ... (yes, that includes the % thin sheet covering that allowed for that infamoud silhouette... Mrs. C: I open up the paper, and *this* is what I have to read about? I fell right off the toilet. My back went out again, I couldn't move... The super had to come and get help me up. I was half naked! Geroge: It's *not* *true*! Mrs. C: Every *day* it's something else with you. I don't know anything about you any more. Who are you? What kind of life are you leading? Who knows *what* you're doing? Maybe you're making porno films. George: Yeah. I'm Buck Naked. Mrs. C: Jerry, I can see. He's so neat and thin. Not that there's anything wrong with it. George: Of course not... % In comes a hulking male nurse. He parts the screen and announces: Nurse: 6:30, Scott. Time for your sponge bath. % Ack! It's deja vu all over again! Except instead of a couple of women % behind the screen (as in the "M" episode), there are two guys. George is % transfixed. Mrs. C. has to scream to get his attention off of the "show" % going on beside him. Later, back at Monk's, E+G+J converge yet again. % Jerry informs G+E that Sharon has left a message on his machine. George % has other things on his mind. George: Alright, now the play is tomorrow night. So do you want to have dinner first, or do you just want to meet at the theatre? % Before Jerry can utter his response, a military guy approaches the table. Sailor: Excuse me, sir? I don't mean to bother you. I just wanted you to know that it took alot of guts to come out the way you did, and that you've inspired me to do the same, even though that may mean a discharge from the service. Thanks. % And, just as quickly as he appeared, he leaves before Jerry can respond % (Colnel Flagg, anyone?) He does have an answer to George's previous % question, though. Jerry: Y'know, I think I'll pass on the "Guys And Dolls"... % George throws a "hissy fit" and it told to pipe down by a rather bulky manager % from the diner and resolves to take Elaine instead. Elaine then queries % George if Allison has seen the artice yet. George: No. Just imagine her reaction. Elaine: Yeah... George: Oh, my God... Jerry: What? George: She hasn't seen the article! When she sees it, she's gonna think-- *I'm out baby*!! I'm out!!!!! % So, we flash forward to George dropping off Allison. She is mulling over % the article that Goerge has given her. Allison: Yeah? So? George: Yeah so?? Allison: Well this is nice. They mention your name. George: Dont you see what it says here? Don't you understand what that's implying? Allison: No, what? George: I'm gay! I'm a gay man! I'm very, very gay. Allison: You're *gay*? George: Extraordinarily gay. Steeped in gayness. Allison: [matter-of-factly] I don't believe it. George: You don't believe me? Ask Jerry. Allison: I will. George: What do you mean you will? That's a bad idea. Jerry is a very private person. Allison: [Grabs George's lapels] I want to hear it from *Jerry*... [End act II - Time 19:11] % Back at Jerry's apartment, Sharon and Jerry are, well, "making out on the % couch". Apparently, she's all turned around on the subject. Sharon: Oh, can you ever forgive me? Jerry: I dunno... [they kiss again] *Alright*, I forgive you... Sharon: Y'know the funny thing is, I was attracted to you immediately. Jerry: I was attracted to you, too. You remind me of Lois Lane. % But before the love birds can get back into things, the door has burst open. % No, it's not Kramer, although Jerry perhaps wishes it were. Yes, George has % shown up with Allison to prove he and Jerry's "special relationship". George: Jerry! Oh, my God! What are you doing!?! Jerry: What!? George: You're with a *woman*! Jerry: I know! What are you doin' here?!? George: I leave you alone for two seconds, and this is what you do! I trusted you! Jerry: [forcibly removing G. from the apt] Would you get the Hell out of here! Sharon: What's going on? Allison: Yeah, what's going on? George: Alright, tell her. Go ahead. Jerry: Tell her what? George: Y'know. About *us*. % george has emphasised his point by reaching up and putting his hand in J's % hair. Jerry flips out at this point. His arms are flailing about and he's % well, gone loopy. George embraces Jerry to keep it going, but Jerry's not % buying any of it. Sharon leaves, much to Jerry's chagrin. Allison asks % (again) for an explanation. George: Alright, I'll tell you the truth. I'm not gay. My name's Buck Naked, I'm a porno actor. Allison: *Really*? % Allison takes George's arm (not quite the reaction he wanted, I'm sure). % Kramer walks by the open door to go to his apartment. He is escorted by % what appears to be a verile young man. Kramer addresses G+J (and Allison) % before he goes into his apartment. Kramer: We'll see you later... % G+J look disbelievingly at each other, obviously at a loss for words over % Kramer's new, er, interest. Kramer notices this and... Kramer: He's the *phone* man! % G+J see the light and are visibly relieved... Kramer: Not that there's anything wrong with that... [End of act III - Time 21:39] % Closing monologue Jerry: I am not gay. I am, however, thin, single and neat. Sometimes when someone is thin, single and neat people assume they are gay because that is a stereotype. They normally don't think of gay people as fat, sloppy and married. Although I'm sure there are, I don't want to perpetuate the sterotype. I'm sure they are the minority though within the gay community. They're probably descriminated against because of that, people say to them "Y'know Joe, I enjoy being gay with you but I think think it's about time, y'know that you got in shape, tucked the shirt in and lost the wife". But if people are even going to assume that people that are neat are gay, maybe instead of doin' this: "Y'know I think Joe might be a little... [waves hand back and forth]", they should vacuum: "Y'know I think Joe might be >vroom< [makes vacuuming motion]. Yeah, I got a feeling he's a little >vrooom<..." [End. Time 22:50] ===============================================================================